I fall in love on the phone after drinking water for three hours

I want to write you a sonnet I tell
her so give me like three words and I’ll use
them in your sonnet I’ll write for you and
she says whoa now don’t go falling in love
with me and I say I write poems for a
lot of friends for birthdays and occasions
then she says well now I feel like an ass.
Are you peeing right now she says and I
say ohnonono how can you tell it’s
imperceptible and she says you have
to submarine and I say yes of course
explain again tho and she says you have
to dip your penis in the bowl and pee
you have to make your penis a submarine

Now I can’t stop trying to submarine when we’re on the phone and I fear it will be our ruin

It’s impossible I say the water
line in any standard American
toilet is too low and she says maybe
you’re just not trying hard enough and I
say do you understand how difficult
it is to stand crouched in this stress posish
while trying to relieve myself and she
says I can still hear it you’re peeing right
now and I say this is the closest we’re
ever going to get I am trying so
hard I am trying to please you I can
hear her sparkle and laughing through the phone
she says what if you like sat backward on
the bowl what if we could get even closer  



Robert John Miller’s work has appeared in places like HAD, X-R-A-Y, Maudlin House, Bruiser, Scaffold, and elsewhere.

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